I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
