She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
