Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
