1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
oh god the rape fog is back!
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
