YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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