I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
