I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize