i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
