Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize