Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
