Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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