I hate all girls vehemently.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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