God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
