Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Randomize