My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Randomize
