When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
