Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
