so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I need a burrito and a hug.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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