Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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