also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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