So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
