I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize