True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
