his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
