Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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