listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
