I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
