I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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