he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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