My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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