somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
time to smoke my breakfast
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
