He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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