I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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