I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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