u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
