my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
