What did we do last night that was yellow?
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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