dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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