Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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