it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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