i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
