I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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