and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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