I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
