i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
