Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
