I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
