my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
