47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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