My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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