im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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