this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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