My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
