"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
