Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
