census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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