i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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