I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
