someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
