it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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