so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
