I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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