Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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