i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
No I am not eating basil off your cock
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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