So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
