remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
