when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize