I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
they're like a gay fantastic four
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
