Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
