he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
