Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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