My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
