4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
