if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize