I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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