Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
